Thursday, September 25, 2008

I have a lot to say...buuuuut....

...I just don't have the time to say it! I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed lately, just don't have any time for myself. It's really frustrating, and I'm trying to get through it. I've barely had time to shower daily (which is actually an improvement). I have a lot of anxiety, and I feel like I'm losing control of things.
Today I'm trying to take a break and relax as much as possible; otherwise I'm gonna freak out and probably start crying for no reason. Malachi just went down for a nap and Nicole (our niece) is playing with Ati and Eli, and they seem to be not making too much of a mess...(hmm, I spoke too soon, I just heard a really loud bucket of toys being dumped all over).
I want to not worry so much about trying to do everything, I just can't "let go", no matter how much I remind myself. I'm a control freak with Obsessive Perfectionism Disorder. I have to have everything in order or I start to freak out. I do understand that I'm just feeling emotional today, and I'll eventually get over it. I just want to pout right now, and ramble about my unstable emotional condition...that's all.
So, eventually I'll get around to posting about the exciting events of my life, like The Mall, The Wedding and other trivial things...but for now I'll just say that I still haven't finished the laundry (I don't know that I ever will), I don't know what we're going to have for dinner, my whole body is exhausted, and I really just want to have a nap...but, will I get a nap? no, probably not...too many things to do, too many kids, and too little time.
Well, at least I had a few minutes to say a bunch of stuff that doesn't really matter; that's always nice.


Bugs said...

This just reminds me of why I am FREAKING out that I'm having another baby. I went to a baby shower tonight and I was really excited. But then I read your post and know EXACTLY how you are feeling and I know that I will feel like that again in just a few short months! Yeah for kids. If you can make it through without killing them, I heard it's worth it! Hang in there!