Thursday, September 18, 2008

What a PooPy weekend

I wanted to call Friday “the Day of Poo (and I don’t mean Winnie)”, but it turned out to be the whole weekend.
I am quite the expert when it comes to cleaning up poo. If it weren’t for me we’d all be swimming in it. Just to give a few examples, and recap the weekend of poo: On Friday (sept 12) afternoon I was getting ready to make dinner. I started getting out ingredients to make muffins when Ati started yelling that Eli had pooed on her backpack. I had heard him grunting, so I knew it was inevitable that I’d be changing his diaper soon, but I wasn’t ready to be cleaning anything else. Suddenly he was running toward me with a puddle on the floor and on the top of his foot. It was also dripping down his leg and smeared on Ati’s backpack that he happened to be wearing. While Ati was concerned about her backpack she didn’t notice the puddle on the floor that she was stepping in. Of course, as soon as she felt it on her foot she started to freak out, and she made a few more poopy footsteps across the kitchen floor.
I immediately began to assess the situation and yelled for everyone to “freeze! No one move!” I ran to my trusty box of wipies, while continuing to order everyone to “don’t move, don’t move”. I had to carefully wipe down Ati’s feet and the floor, then strategically move to work on Eli. I peeled off the backpack and wiped down his feet. Then I had to slide off his shorts and roll up his shirt (a one piece button around the diaper type shirt) to enclose the poo. Of course, the shorts left more streaks on his legs that I had to carefully wipe down. Once all the escaping poo was under control I was able to safely lay him down and actually change his diaper.
Once Eli had a clean diaper I let him run along, while I proceeded to clean up the backpack. Because of the texture on the straps I had to use some stronger reinforcement and whip out my trusty “Super cleaner” (I bought it from a door to door salesman-it’s really not as great as they say, but oh well, I still like it). Finally I was able to get back to my muffins. After a few more interruptions of my muffin making I moved on to making the main dish.
Once again, I was interrupted by poo. This time, it was actually Ati, who is completely potty trained! She was outside riding her bike, and had accidentally pooed in her underwear. I was able to calm her down, and pretty easily get the situation cleaned up. I was even able to finish making dinner without any more poo!
However, during dinner, Eli was doing some more grunting. I ignored it, hoping I could make it through the meal and change him afterward. Just as we had finished eating and I was working on clearing the table I noticed he was sitting in a brown puddle! It was soupy all over the highchair, dripping down his leg and making a splatter on the floor. Well, I just had to laugh, and got it all cleaned up. Then, I threw them in the bath.
That was all on Friday. I don’t think there was too much poo (to clean up) on Saturday, but there was more on Sunday. In the afternoon we were getting ready to go out and I grabbed Malachi out of his bouncy seat to put him in his car seat. He smelled stinky so I was going to change him, when suddenly I stuck my hand in something wet. I immediately knew what had happened. He was sitting in his seat so happily, that it wasn’t surprising what he had done. He exploded! All over his outfit and on the bouncy set. So, once again I was able to show off my expertise, and contained the mess in a fairly quick way.
Later that evening, when it was time to put the kids in bed, John was getting ready to change Eli’s diaper. I heard him yell when he unsuspectingly stuck his hand in poo that had leaked all over the inside of Eli’s pants. I could tell John was in distress, so I came to the rescue, with my super human poo-cleaning powers. I once again saved us all from drowning in poo.
This is only a small sampling of what I deal with regularly, but this is "what I do", it's my specialty!
I am the PooP-Master!


Erin and Family said...

Hahahahaha ha ha ha!!! Poo- Master. That is an awesome post. Aren't all of us mom's poo master's?! You did a great job:). Where are you guys living?

Bugs said...

Hi Jen, I linked from Erin's blog, I hope you don't mind. Your poopy days remind me sooooo much of my life. I was laughing so hard. (There is a great picture of my poopy day on March 16 if you want to check my archive and see something really gross.)Check out our blog and we can keep in touch!